How to Slide Into DMs Without Being Weird
How to slide into DMs without being weird: reply to something they posted, keep your first message short and specific, and make it easy to answer. Match the approach to how well you know them (someone you know, a mutual, or a total stranger), don't open with a compliment about their looks, and if they don't answer, leave it. That's the whole secret.
If you've already slid in and got a reply you can't read, Say Less takes a screenshot and tells you their Interest Level out of 100 plus what to send next. Read my chat
Is sliding into DMs weird?
Quick definition: sliding into DMs means messaging someone privately, usually because you're interested in them. It's how a lot of people start talking now, especially on Instagram.
It's not weird by itself. What makes it weird is how:
- Messaging someone who has no idea who you are with "hey beautiful" = weird.
- Replying to a mutual's funny story with a funny comment = completely normal.
Whether you're working out how to slide into DMs as a girl or as a guy, the rules are the same. Girls sliding into a guy's DMs is common and usually well received. Guys get more "is this creepy?" scrutiny, so respect matters even more.
Someone you know vs a mutual vs a stranger
The biggest mistake is using the same approach for everyone. Here's how to slide into DMs respectfully, by how well you know them:
| Who they are | Your opener should... | Risk level |
|---|---|---|
| Someone you know (class, work, friend group) | Reference something shared | Low |
| A mutual (friend of a friend, same uni, same city) | Mention the connection or reply to a story | Medium |
| A stranger | Reply to specific content, keep it light | Higher |
How to slide into DMs of someone you know
You have context. Use it.
- "Okay I didn't know you were into climbing, where do you go?"
- "Was Professor [name]'s lecture as painful for you as it was for me?"
- "That party was chaos. Did you make it home okay lol"
- "You were right about that film btw"
Sliding into a mutual's DMs
Name the connection so you're not a random.
- "Pretty sure we were both at [friend]'s birthday. Your playlist rec was elite"
- "[Friend] said you're the person to ask about good coffee near campus"
- Or reply to their story (see 50 replies to a girl's Instagram story; most work for anyone).
How to DM someone you don't know
Hardest one. Only do it when they post publicly and you've got something real to say about their content.
- "Your film photography is so good. What camera do you shoot on?"
- "Okay this recipe is going straight to my saves. Worth the effort?"
- "Saw you're into [band]. Were you at the show last month?"
First messages that work
Good DM openers share three traits:
- Specific. About something they posted or you have in common.
- Short. One or two lines.
- Easy to answer. A light question, not a life story.
More openers to steal:
- "Settle something: is [place] actually worth the hype?"
- "I need a show rec and your stories suggest good taste"
- "Is that [specific spot]? I've wanted to go forever"
- "Your dog has more personality than most people I know"
- "Okay random but where's that jacket from"
How to slide into his DMs without being weird
Guys generally get fewer DMs, so a thoughtful one lands well. Keep it just as specific: "Okay your music taste is lowkey impressive, what's your top song right now?"
How to slide into a girl's DMs without being weird
Lead with her interests, not her looks. A comment on the concert, the book, the food, the trip beats "you're gorgeous" every time.
Timing and platform
When: Soon after they post a story or photo. Replying to a story from two minutes ago feels natural. Replying to a post from 2019 feels like you've been scrolling deep (please don't like it by accident).
Where:
- Instagram: the default for sliding into DMs. Story replies are easiest.
- Snapchat: better if you're already friends-ish; Snap is more casual. Here's how to ask a girl for her Snapchat if you're moving from IG.
- TikTok: okay for sharing funny content, less common for starting something romantic.
- Twitter/X, LinkedIn: mostly not the vibe for dating. Skip.
In the UK and Canada, how people slide into DMs is basically the same as in the US. The slang shifts a bit ("fancy" vs "have a crush") but the approach doesn't.
What makes it creepy
The list of things that make sliding into DMs creepy is pretty consistent:
- Opening with their looks when they don't know you.
- Double, triple, quadruple texting with no reply.
- Deep-liking old posts before messaging.
- Messaging very late at night with "u up."
- Sending a long paragraph as a first message.
- Anything sexual. Hard no.
- Not taking silence as an answer.
If any of those are in your plan, change the plan.
Once they reply, the second-guessing begins. Was "lol thanks" friendly or a brush-off? You're too close to judge it. Say Less reads a screenshot of the DM and scores their effort, momentum and vibe, then gives three replies you could send: smooth, funny or bold. Read my chat
If they don't answer
It happens. Some people don't check message requests; some aren't interested; some are busy. Here's what to do:
- Wait. At least a few days.
- Don't follow up with "??". Ever.
- Optional one retry later, only if they post something genuinely worth replying to.
- Then let it go. No reply after two tries means no.
Not getting a reply isn't embarrassing. Chasing is.
Read their reply the smart way
Knowing how to slide into DMs without being weird gets you a reply. Knowing what that reply means gets you a conversation. Screenshot the chat and Say Less gives you their Interest Level out of 100, a plain read of what's going on, and three replies ready to send.
FAQ
How do you slide into DMs without being creepy?
Reply to something specific they posted, keep it short, avoid comments about their body, and don't message again if they don't answer. Respecting silence is the biggest part of not being creepy.
How do you slide into DMs on Instagram?
The easiest way is replying to a story. Your message lands in their DMs with context, so it feels natural. Keep it specific and end with a light question.
How to slide into DMs as a girl?
Same approach: react to something he posted and ask an easy question. Guys often get fewer DMs, so a thoughtful, specific one usually lands well.
What should my first DM say?
Something about their content or your shared connection, plus an easy question. For example: "Is that [place]? Worth the hype?" Avoid "hey" on its own.
Is it weird to slide into DMs of someone you know?
Not at all. It's usually the easiest version, because you already have shared context. Mention something you both know about and keep it light.