How Long Should the Talking Stage Last? (Real Answer)

6 min read · Say Less

How long should the talking stage last? For most people, somewhere between a few weeks and about two months. You should usually meet up within the first couple of weeks, go on a few dates in the first month or so, and be able to talk about what you are by around month two or three. There's no official rule, but if it's been months of texting with no dates or clarity, it's dragging.

If you want to know whether your talking stage is actually moving or just treading water, Say Less reads a screenshot of your chat and scores its momentum and their Interest Level. Read my chat

The short answer

The talking stage is the early getting-to-know-you phase before you're officially dating. The length depends more on progress than on the calendar.

A healthy talking stage:

• Moves toward meeting in person
• Has more depth each week (you know more about each other)
• Eventually leads to a conversation about what you are

An unhealthy one keeps the same shape forever. Same "wyd," same small talk, same vague "we should hang out sometime."

So instead of asking how long the talking stage lasts, ask: is it going anywhere?

Typical timelines by situation

Different situations move at different speeds. These are rough ranges, not rules, based on how the talking stage usually works in each setting.

How long should the talking stage last in high school?

In high school (or sixth form in the UK, secondary school in Canada), things can feel intense fast because you see each other every day. A few weeks to a couple of months is common. The big thing is hanging out outside class, not just texting and seeing each other in the hallway.

How long should the talking stage last long distance?

Long distance usually takes longer because you can't meet whenever. Aim for regular video calls and a plan to meet in person. If months go by and nobody mentions visiting, that's a sign one of you isn't that invested.

How long should the talking stage last before a first date?

On apps, ideally within about two weeks of matching. At school or uni, you might already know each other, so the "first date" is the first time you hang out on purpose, just the two of you. Waiting too long before meeting tends to build a version of the person in your head that reality can't match.

Talking stage checkpoints (week 1, 3, 6, 10)

Here's a rough roadmap. You don't have to hit every point on time, but if you're way behind, it's worth asking why.

Week 1: curiosity

• Texting feels easy and fun
• Lots of questions both ways
• Some flirting, some teasing
• Someone suggests meeting up

Week 3: first real hangouts

• You've met at least once or twice
• The texting has inside jokes now
• You're learning bigger stuff: family, goals, what they're into
• You both seem excited, not just one of you

Week 6: deciding

• Regular hangouts or dates
• You'd notice (and care) if they stopped texting
• You might have met a friend or two
• It's natural to think about exclusivity

Week 10: clarity

• You've had the "what are we" conversation, or it's clearly coming
• Plans are normal, not a big deal
• Either you're dating, or you both know it's not that

If you're at week 10 and it still feels like week 1, that's the real answer to "how long is too long for the talking stage."

Signs it's dragging on too long

• You've been talking for a month or more and haven't met
• Plans keep getting "rain-checked" and never rescheduled
• The texting feels like a routine, not a conversation
• You're not sure if they're talking to other people, and asking feels off-limits
• You feel more anxious than excited
• It's starting to look like a situationship (not sure? See talking stage vs situationship)

It's hard to judge this from inside the chat. The days blur together and you remember the good texts more than the dry ones.

Say Less tracks it for you. Every read is saved, so you can screenshot the chat once a week and see whether their Interest Level and momentum are going up or quietly sliding. Read my chat

How to move it forward

If the talking stage is too long, one clear move usually fixes it (or tells you it won't).

1. Make a specific plan. Not "we should hang out," but "Want to get food Friday after class?"
2. Say what you like. "I really like talking to you" is scary but clarifying.
3. Ask the question. "Where do you see this going?" Our guide on how to ask what are we over text has scripts that don't feel intense.
4. Stop carrying it. If you've been doing all the work, pull back a little and see if they step up.

How long should the talking stage last with a girl or a guy?

Same answer either way. The timeline depends on the people and the situation, not gender. What matters is whether both of you are putting in similar effort and moving forward.

When it's time to call it

It's okay to end a talking stage. You don't need a big reason. Consider it if:

• You've tried making plans and they keep dodging
• You asked where it's going and they won't answer
• The talking stage red flags keep adding up
• You realize you just don't feel it

A kind exit: "I've enjoyed talking to you, but I don't think this is going where I want. Wishing you the best."

Check your talking stage's momentum

The real answer to how long the talking stage should last is: as long as it's moving. Drop a screenshot into Say Less and in about a minute you'll see their Interest Level, momentum, effort and vibe, plus three replies to push things forward. It's a one-time payment with nothing to cancel.

Read my chat

FAQ

How long does the talking stage last on average?

There's no official average, but most people feel a few weeks to about two months is normal. Beyond that, it's worth checking whether it's actually progressing toward dating.

How long should the talking stage last before dating?

Many people move from talking to dating within about one to two months, once you've been on a few dates and know you like each other. If it's longer, have a conversation about where it's going.

How long is too long for the talking stage?

If it's been two or three months with no clear plans, no dates or no conversation about what you are, it's probably too long. The bigger sign is feeling stuck, not the exact number of weeks.

How long should the talking stage last according to Reddit?

Reddit threads vary a lot, but a common theme is "meet in person early and don't text for months." Most people there say that if it's been several months with no progress, it's a situationship, not a talking stage.

How long should a talking stage be at uni?

At uni or college, a few weeks to a couple of months is typical because meeting up is easy. If you're on the same campus and still haven't hung out after a few weeks, something is holding it back.